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02:32pm 25/12/2012
mood: Nostalgic
So this is my first journal entry in em.....9 years?? hah. I thought I had deleted this thing. Basically I found it whilst looking for something else online. So in my last entry I was too young to even drink legally. Now I'm a 28 year old stoner washed out punk kid living in the mountains of Asheville North Carolina with my girlfriend and two hound dogs. I've been married and divorced and traveled the whole country, living on both coasts. Change is freaky. Looking back on all this I realize that I was quite a dumb and petty little kid. haha. But it got me thinking and evaluating just how far I've come and how things have changed. I want to start chronicling my life again for my own sake. Its so nostalgic looking back. I cherish my memories as anyone would and just like a photograph this is a great way to capture not only those memories but the thoughts and feelings associated with them. I know over the years I have become a lot less idealistic and high strung but I'm also a lot more optimistic and less insecure. Its so crazy. I went on to be in a great grindcore band. We did international splits and 2 US releases. As the 19 year old writer of this journal I would be pretty impressed with myself. Life's ambition would have been fulfilled. But as a 28 year old it all seems so petty. I just quit my band in fact (well we may release one more album) to move up to the mountains. I love it here. It is so peaceful and beautiful. I can go out in the woods and just relax. Its crazy how your priorities change. Anyway that is all I got for now. Peace.
05:37pm 01/10/2003
  Circle Takes The Square has a new cd coming out in November and its my new favorite thing to listen to.Go to roboticempire.com to check it out and click on the audio section.The song is called Non-Objective Portrait Of Karma...you wont be dissappointed.Think metal/crust/and grind mixed perfectly with male and female vocals,great lyrics and dark undertones.I highly recommend it and I have nothing else to write about.....
I was going to do a "piece"(lol) on the lameness of the majority of the modern "hardcore" scene but I didnt feel like writing that much,plus its useless throwing logic and reasoning at a group of ignorant ppl.Anyway...later.
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Played a show, now its home for the weekend   
04:05pm 15/09/2003
mood: anxious
So we played the show.It was ok.Were going to write alot of new shit though so that should be rad...going more the grindcore route.Thanks for everyone who came out.Shows here are kind of boring.I miss dancing it up in venues where we can actually smoke and drink.I like to have a beer on stage with me.It calms my nerves.I miss the free shows in Athens too.That was a blast.Also were coming to Augusta Thursday(Alyx,Justin,and I) so all you kids in the AUG hit my house up.THIS MEANS YOU TOO ADRIENNE.lol.lata.
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05:25pm 29/08/2003
  Misaligned misaligned.
Where does my allegiance go?
My heart spits soul.
That's just the way it goes.
Cut off t-shirts make me feel fierce
and you're the dearest to my heart.
Duplication of the commmunique.

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05:53pm 27/08/2003
  staring at a ghost across a table set for two,
this is the last call before the credits roll.
the charm of silver screen depression saturated in alcohol.
it's so seductive.
filtered through tobacco haze.
it's so fucking intoxicating,
the way they glimmer through the grain and make dysfunction such a fashion.
jimmy stewart suicidal sex appeal.
the alcoholic is the last true hopeless romantic.
stumbling and smelling of stale gasoline,
making james dean speeches to an empty room.
audrey left some lipstick on her cigarette in the ashtray
with a note scrawled on a napkin saying "this is glamour".
this is where hollywood cues the delusion
that everything looked this blue through sinatra's eyes.
what america needs is another worthwhile overdose.
celestial bodies constructed on set,
destined to explode in the headlines.
another dry martini and a methamphetmaine.
godspeed norma jean, i hope you saved us one last sleeping pill play it again
for me.
the tragedy of a track marked beauty queen.
the starlet in the magazine.
she looks all right to me.
she looks so good to me.
but there's somthing in the way she moves, like i want to.
make me want you.
tonight i feel like fame, dreary and estranged.
i'd scratch through glass not to be without you.
(without you) there's a whole lotta shakin' going on.
So yeah,our band is playing at the "Crane Community Center"(?) or some shit like that.And you can bet Im gonna have my fair dose of Jack Daniels before we play.Itll be fun though.Were playing brutal grindcore with mosh parts.Our band is alot different than any of the other ones we're playing with.Not straightedge and not realy hardcore either.It reminds me of Circle Of Dead Children or As The Sun Sets.Thats what its about though...innovation and shit.Oh well...just bored so I posted a short entry and my favorite song to make it longer.
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06:38pm 24/08/2003
mood: weird
I think Im crazy...literally....Im fucking nuts man.I havent had any sleep and Im exhausted and I think too much.Im insane dood...fucking insane.
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05:23pm 20/08/2003
  Im getting a new tattoo...a chest piece,when I go back to Augusta.Its going to be a guys head with an axe in it and it will say "Human Is A Degrading Word".Anyway,I have a band now called Dead Before Dawn...we're playing on the thirteenth so come check it out.Adios.  
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04:12pm 17/08/2003
  So Ive been reading up a little bit lately about Albert Einstein's theory of relativity.I think tonight Im going to go by Barnes and Noble and steal his book.It really is mind boggling what he came up with when you look at it the right way.Ive thought alot about some of the stuff his theory deals with but Ive never been able to connect it all and elaborate on it the way he did.Now I understand why he is such a significant person in history.He wasnt just a smart guy...his little theory....e=mc squared....it blows everything we know to be true out of the water.It makes time irrelevant and it even makes what we know to be 0truth become irrelevant.Basically he came up with an equation that proves that Mass and energy are equivalent but it goes beyond even the equation,if you look at it the right way:Ive come up with a few interesting ideas about it but in order to elaborate on them Ill have to understand his ideas a little more so I REALLY need this book.Anyway,sorry Im so boring.But I guess it IS my livejournal right?Adios.
PS:In regaurds to the previous entry...I will still be smoking the occasional marijuana.heh.Just not nearly as much but to all my friends in the AUG...I WILL still be bringing the crippy and we WILL smoke it together.Anyway,just thought Ild clarify.
Random Thoughts   
05:06pm 15/08/2003
  -The only thing that is absolute is the fact that there are no absolutes.
-There is no good or bad,just destructive and creative energy
-both destructive and creative energies work together to balance one another,if there was one without the other,life would not be possible.
-There is no "past" or "future" these are only words to describe the destruction or creation of the present.
-Time is only existent on earth,it is a man made law.
-In space there is no time
-Time travel or warping is actually possible in black holes
-If time travel IS possible then that means that you can change the past by altering your decisions and actions
-If decisions and actions can be altered then reality is what you make it.
-If reality is what you make it then there is no reality and we are just energy functioning on a plane of reality we have created.
-So if there are many demensions of reality then life and death are meaningless
....so basicallly the conclusion Ive come to is that nothing really matters and there is no purpose in life except to explore and recreate and destroy and enjoy yourself.
Life is what you make it and this leaves me thinking that once we die we are "reincarnated" in a sense to try it over again....that also would explain De ja vou(sp?) youre just remembering that things have happened before on a different dimension of reality but the choices may not be the same.Maybe weve already died a thousand times and dont even know it...maybe we exist in a perpetual reality in a universe that is so vast we cant even begin to explain it.That would make the concept of a "god" meaningless...that would mean the only higher power we have is the universe that we exist in just like a cell that exists within our body.That would also mean we are god in a sense...or atleast a part of god.Sorry if anyone thinks this is a weird entry....I just think alot and felt like recording it down somewhere.heh.Later.
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03:05am 12/08/2003
mood: indifferent
indie prick
you are either a record nerd or not a scenester at
all. you are the coolest of the bunch. bravo,

what type of lame scenester are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
...well thats comforting....
02:31am 12/08/2003
mood: indescribable
Greatest gun ever! Feel special. Beautiful and reliable but can still scare the living bejesus outta anyone.
Sig Sauer P226. Greatest gun ever! Feel special.
Beautiful and reliable but can still scare the
living bejesus outta anyone.

What handgun are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
08:47pm 10/08/2003
mood: restless
So Shark Week on the discovery channel starts in about 15 minutes.I love educational TV.haha.The only thing I ever watch on TV is:Educational TV,old movies,Queer Eye For The Straight Guy,and the occasional decent music videos.I need a day at the beach.Ive cramped myself in the house for a while now and its starting to have consequences.Im more hyperactive(which is out of character),but then I suddenly get tired...and Im very emotional over stupid shit.Some movie almost made me cry tonight...I rarely cry during movies.haha...shit...I rarely cry at all.
Today I was doing some research on the internet on religion and stuff and I saw this whole article on a christian website that attempted to refute the long time theory that perhaps Jesus was a "guru"(as they called it),rather than the Son Of God.I personally believe he was a master but I think his religious followers took his teachings the wrong way so...I read the article.It actually just went around in circles and had no conclussive evidence to refute my theory so...out of boredom,I e-mailed them telling them that their article didnt really achieve its goal in refuting the "new age" theory that Jesus was a "guru".Anyway,I alredy know what will happen bc it happens to me all the time...they will e-mail me...not in debate...but instead they will try to present their gospel to me and convert me to christianity...sometimes I wonder why I try.((sigh))
Anyhow...just sitting around smoking cigarettes....Alyx doesnt get off until 10.I met her Uncle and Grandmother(whos staying with us)today...theyre really nice.Then I ate some barbeque and now my stomache is destroying me.So what do I do?I smoke more cigarettes...and destroy MYSELF.haha.
Anyway this is a stupid entry to take up time and space.Comment if you will.Later.
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Random Thoughts   
06:33pm 04/08/2003
mood: contemplative
Ok so I have a plan of action for living here in Melbourne.So far...from what Ive seen,this place is a fucking magnet for stupid drama.Im not pointing fingers or blaming anyone or stating my opinions on what I think but heres what Im going to do.:
I have a beautiful girlfriend who I deeply care for and Ive made a friend...maybe 2 that I feel I can trust 100 percent.So Im set.I dont need anymore friends...bc no more friends here means no more enemies here.
I mean...humankind just fucking sucks anyway...I am lucky enough to have found a few good human beings to share my life with so hell...Im happy.I dont need anyone else.I think Ill just roll with what comes my way.
Forming opinions about things and people that have nothing to do with me just makes me a part of the drama....and also...a part of the bigger problem.No one can mind their own lives.Everyone has to fight for some stupid cause...whether its "friendship" AKA a CLIQUE(I dont believe in having a thousand friends bc a true friend is a once or twice in a lifetime occurence....almost all ppl WILL let you down in the end.Therefore most ppl you think are your "friends" really arent worth fighting for.),a "scene",a label,etc.But really...if something isnt threatening me...then whats the point in being lame,stating some opinion,and becomming a part of drama.Anyway...this was not directed at anyone or any scenario that is happening...its just my plan of action.To each their own though.There are definitely pros to living here as well...I love nature...so theres plenty of cool things here to enjoy.Beaches,rivers,parks,wildlife,etc.And there is ALOT more to do here than their was in Augusta...I think the key is just taking the energy to do it.lol.Plus theres always Alyx....and Ive never been happier.She is the best and a great girl to have by my side.We share alot of similar ideas and things like that too...so its easy to live with her.
Anyway Im gonna make like a fetus and head out.Take it sleazy kids.
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05:15pm 03/08/2003
  Anyway short entry bc I have no time.
-its my b-day
-I have a headache
-lots of drama in Melbourne since Ive been here
-hung with thugs last night at a keg party
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05:57pm 31/07/2003
mood: distressed
So...nothing new today.I start at Global Mortgage next week.I think we're going to Scott's party tonight so that should be cool.Im just finding it less and less exciting being around lots of intoxicated ppl though.I dont mean to sound hypocritical...I guess its just that...when I get high...I get high for diiferent reasons.It helps me to think on another level and I love coming up with new ideas and philosophies and drugs have been used for thousands of years by indians and other groups of people as a gateway into a much deeper level of thinking.It definitely opens up other channels in your mind...thats been scientifically proven.But I just like to be alone when Im high I guess.And I pretty much just stick to smoking pot occasionally...nothing major.
My friend Lindsey died a couple days ago from doing shrooms.She had a seizure and her heart stopped....thats scary.Im never messing with that shit again.
I have to go to the hospital tomorrowI think bc my fucking hernia is back.I got it from singing in my band and it got gengreen(sp?)and I almost died so now...its hurting again which has me worried.I just didnt give it enough time to heal after my surgery bc we had shows to play and an upcomming tour.
So anyhow, Im done rambling for now.Later.
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I got a lj like everyone else.woot woot.   
03:12am 30/07/2003
mood: complacent
So I just moved here to Florida with my girlfriend Alyx.So far its been pretty interesting.I love her to death and Ive met some cool people,I got in a fight with a bum and and beat him with a plastic flamingo, learned to surf, went to a lame show, partied alot, got a door kicked in on me, and got booted from band(which is understandable seeing as how I live 7 hours away now).Im really going to miss it alot though.Singing was a good release for me.If anyone ever reads this...if you want to hear a crappy MP3 we made you can go to ktametal.cjb.net and click the "Media" section.If you like The Red Chord,Into The Moat...or any bands like that you may...or may not like it.I dont care.We had some good times.Im currently trying to start a crust/grind band here with some kids I met.Apparently theirs a giant hardcore crowd here so I dont know how well they'll take in this kind of music...especially bc their are no chugs and breakdowns...and theirs really no method to it at all but we'll see...I just want something more chaotic.Metal/hardcore has been done a thousand times by now.I think its going to be the next big thing for the music industry.Already Poison The Well,Atreyu, 18v, Underoath, and a few other bands have made music videos which are being played every once in a while on MTV....who would have ever thought.
So Im going to Global Mortgage tomorrow to get a job....it should be pretty cool and stuff...Its funny bc I hate telemarketers but....Im joining the dark side.Atleast that way I switch from being the victim to being the Victimizer.muhaha.
So thats about it for now.Its late.Im out.
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